Think about your troubles ...

[past7]

WARNING- i'm afraid this is a kinda heavy topic.....so move along if you're just lookin' for a laugh.

Some days I dread going to work, knowing the obstacles and challenges that lie ahead, with the population I work with. Other days I leave feeling i've really accomplished something and helped enhance a person's life in perhaps some minute way that only they and I can see, initially. Yet other days, I am utterly humbled by a conversation or brief interaction with a client or patient.

Today I met an amazing 13 year old girl who has been dealt an unbelievably shit hand in life in every way possible...physical, sexual, emotional abuse and neglect... and is overcoming the odds through inner strength, intelligence, one or two key people she has encountered and perhaps sheer fate. Who knows why or how.

Jess, a pretty, sweet looking, wide-eyed seemingly average adolescent, it turned out, had been abandoned by her biological father at 16months, then by her horrifically abusive mother at 10 yrs old, then shuffled from foster home to troubled relatives to more foster homes. Her extended family were emotionally detached and wrought with psychiatric illness, including 4 aunts who had attempted suicide (2 of whom succeeded). Her grandfather it was suspected, had sexually abused both Jess and her mother (in childhood).

An example of a typical day for Jess at around 8 or 9yrs old? Her mother yanked her from her bed in the middle of the night and beat her with a broom handle because the floor had not been swept "properly". Threatened with a knife to her head, humiliated, slammed against a wall (breaking her wrist) and sworn to secrecy fearing for her life Jess hid in a darkened closet then snuck back to her room and fought to stay awake in order to protect her younger sister who, she proudly stated, she never let her mother hit. Instead she repeatedly took the blows. In desperation, she overdosed on sleeping pills at age 12. She said she didn't really want to die but only wanted the pain to stop. Imagine the anger, depression, nightmares, the fear and desperation, the loss of hope.

She said she felt the world had let her down. In fact, it had. She went from an abusive family situation into an often times unintentionally abusive child "protection" system, but managed somehow to drag through and finally be given a "chance". Now she is finally wrestling those internal demons, in a safe place. She wants to get "better", to be "healthy", and rebuild that shattered sense of trust, faith in humanity. She does not want to live her life as a "victim". She has the opportunity at last for a stable life with a loving aunt and uncle who had been exhausted by her wild and unpredictable behaviour for the year prior to her entry for treatment.

Jess dreams of going to Harvard and becoming a child psychologist someday. She writes soul searching poetry and likes to paint. As normally self-conscious as any teen, her sense of humour was striking and her intelligence and insight shined as she talked, often grinning wryly, other times deeply sad or even argumentative, but always responsive and eager to interact and share her thoughts. Wise and courageous beyond her years, there was a distinct sparkle, even still, in her eyes. And, a distinct hard edge that should be in no 13yr olds speech?..or heart.

The sad truth is, of course, that there are umpteen cases similar to or even worse than this, in any city or town...You might wonder why this particular girl struck a chord in me. Well, the spirit, and genuine potential for healing and future attachment I saw, observing and listening to Jess, made that natural human emotion surface full force in me, that feeling that perhaps at our core, ultimately drives each and every one of us. And that is hope. Hope that things will get better, hope for change, hope for a new chance. How incredible, how inspiring that the human soul can withstand such relentless bashing and trauma.

Despite keeping my "professional" composure today, I later became teary thinking about such experiences for this young girl on the verge of perhaps even more frightening challenges albeit very different i.e. adolescence and the journey into womanhood. Will Jess make it? Will she be able to break the cycle of abuse in her family? Will she manage to take the first traumatic decade of her life and turn it into something positive as she hopes? I like to believe she will....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sadness flies on the wings of the morning
and out of the heart of darkness comes the light..

Jean Giraudoux


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some not-for profit organizations I like;
Prevent Child Abuse America http://www.preventchildabuse.org
Child Abuse Prevention Network http://child-abuse.com
Child Welfare League of America (CWLA) http://www.cwla.org
Children's Defense Fund http://www.childrensdefense.org
Childhelp USA http://www.childhelpusa.org

[Më£ïñÐa]

i just want to let you know, i've read this....
There's just too many words and emotions, at the moment.......k

*hugs you anna

[R@nt In~E~Minor]

What a devastating story. I can only feel pure sorrow for that poor girl, but at the same time you have to admire her stamina and her determination to succeed over the appalling adversity she has already endured in her short life.

I can only wish her the best for the future and I have a feeling with the help of people like you she can triumph over anything.

[Më£ïñÐa]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Times New Roman">quote:</font><HR>
She has the opportunity at last for a stable life with a loving aunt and uncle who had been exhausted by her wild and unpredictable behaviour for the year prior to her entry for treatment.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

i just came back to reread it...k

[~lily~]

I read your story and again, i wonder at the stamina and self preservation that young children possess....My sister is a Family Therapist who specializes in children's issues. I've heard her tell me of countless stories of children who have been molested, abused and neglected. Thank god there are people like you both who have the strength to be there to help.
I have been a nurse for 15 years and couldn't work peadiatrics. I can't stand to see a child suffer in any way. Thank god there are stronger people than me. God bless you!!

[heidi!]

I have seen so much of similar situations...I have seen teenagers who simply gave up..and found the highly medicated states an easier way to live..I have watched doctors give mind altering medications to a nine year old with "behavioral problems"...Medication that would sedate her...That would bring her from a raging violent state to nearly a vegetable in less than an hour...
I have walked in houses with social workers...police... to remove children from filthy homes..where parents are sitting at the table at 8 in the morning drunk and cursing us for taking away their kids that bring the income in the house...kids that havent been fed or bathed in sometimes a month..
I have seen abuse that made me wonder why the death penalty isnt a automatic verdict for these sorry excuses for humans...
I have seen enough to make me sketpical..enough to make me wonder if I could ever go back to the profession I used to love so much...
But!..I have also seen children who have come from abuse actually make it in this world...Not be a burden on society but actually be a functioning part of their towns...
I havent seen it often I will admit...but I knew one girl whose abuse was simliar to what past had described...and she did make it..
She reminded me of this...As corny as this might sound to some..It makes sense...Most of the children we are talking about have attachment disorder...Which is when you dont bond as a baby with anyone...which is when your heart and soul begins to develope...
Your soul is like a crystal vase...If I could see it I would be able to see everyone that has made an impact in your life...the ones you have kept with you ...Maybe your mother who held you when you cried..your family...friends you have loved...even teachers ..strangers for whatever reason left an impression on you...you keep them with you...These children have empty vases..you could see thru them...they dont hold people with them because they dont know how to attach themselves...
Their hearts are like rivers...sometimes they are beautiful to look at...flowing calmly...other times they are raging voilently..and scare the hell out of you...
Anyway ..its hard to explain here in words..but my point was..*L*
this girl made it..she is a police officer now...what an accomplishment for her not to only fight her demons...deal with her issues..but to finish school and become someone who helps the child she was..
A SUCCESS CASE...!...A reason to think there is hope...I feel there is too much medication and not enough therapy...I think there is too much locking it away and not enough bringing it out in the open...
but I always think there is hope...and Past..I wish that girl all the best...its absolutely true that the strong will survive...

[past7]

Thanks for the comments people...always like to hear others perspectives, reactions and ..especially their experiences.